It’s Been Too Long

It’s been too long since I have come and played.  I find it curious that when I start something that feeds the unquenchable desire to create and explore different mediums life hands me situations that take me away from what I need to do.  I finally am to the place where I need to breath, to exhale, and reconnect with old and new friends.  I need the support that I discovered here in the secret place of the wide and vast internet.   For those of you who do not know me, it has been very difficult for me in the last few years.  To recap, I recently lost a loved one to cancer.  It was sudden and so unexpected.  He was my father in law.  Now many people don’t really have good relationship with their in laws and I don’t, except for him.  He over time became my friend.  He supported me through nursing school and I worked on the floor where he admitted patients.  I miss the times we would sit and talk before going home to what I call an unhappy situation.  It seemed he was happier at work then home.  When he was diagnosed with cancer, I had found out I was pregnant.  The happiness I felt for the pregnancy was taken over by cancer.  As the months came, he was the patient on my floor.  I watched him slowly waste away, the man was still there but the body was shutting down.  I remember talking to him not knowing if he could hear me at times.  While this was going on his wife and her family became that of the classic story of Cinderella.  They were the wicked step mother and the three sisters.  Cinderella had it lucky in the sense that she only had to deal with four ugly people and to top it off she got her happy ending.  The family prevented us from seeing him and we would wait for my shift to end and see him late at night when they had left.  My husband would sit there hold his hand and tell him we were here.  My heart ached because he was alone.  In July my father in law passed away.  That is when it really got bad.  My mother in law and her family unleashed unthinkable acts towards us, in ways that in the dead of night they left the state and transferred the body to a different cemetery without a word to us.  Followed by a phone call that was place the next day asking us why we didn’t show up.   The next blow came when we found out that my father in law left us an inheritance so that his grandkids would be taken care off.  It was in a will that suspiciously disappeared.  When asked her family laughed and told us that they have the money and we would never see a penny of it.  Now some of you might say get a lawyer, but the problem comes we do not have the money and they knew it.  The next hit came when we were in the process of moving, our house fell to faulty pipes and exploded while we were away causing our home to be unlivable.  Yes we had insurance, but for those of you who know about dealing with them understand that they fight you for every dime.  We lost our home.  So we moved to a new place and prayed for a new beginning.  Yet the mother in law and her family were not done with us yet.  They gave cars to each other as well as vacations, while we scramble to make ends meet.  I look back at it and I knew I would be stronger for it, but it angered me to know that my children are going without while their children drove around in my father in laws Porsche.  And the saga continues.  

My point is, never had there been a need a drive to unleash my creativity to process all of this.  So when I was introduced to word press I was hoping to reach out to people and build friendships to encourage me to keep pursuing what I love.   A place where it was “safe”.  Granted I don’t know many of you, but we all have one thing in common.  The love to create.  To see beauty in the darkness.  To unleash and expose our dreams and to reach out and build one another up.   Lately the world has been drenched in ugliness and it is getting harder to see the fragile beauty that is still there.  I choose to look for it, I need to see it, and want to create it.  I want to show my children that no matter what life throws at you, you have a choice on how you react to it.  I want to demonstrate strength in that we can overcome anything.   So I come back to word press to explore and cultivate my art and writing.   It’s been too long and I need to feed my creativity.

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kitt Crescendo
    Dec 17, 2012 @ 21:22:48

    I’m glad you’re finding your way back to your artistic side. You’re way too talented to let that slide. And you’re right…there is a sense of community on wordpress that helps get you through those hard times. Support will always be offered when you ask…:-)


  2. journeyman1977
    Dec 18, 2012 @ 04:49:16

    Rooting for you. kitt gave me the link 😉


  3. amadiex
    Dec 18, 2012 @ 22:27:00

    Thanks Kitt, it really has been to long. When you get away from something you forget how much joy and freedom it can release!!! Journeyman~ thanks!!! Everyday is filled with its own challenges…that is why wine is so tasty 😛


  4. journeyman1977
    Dec 19, 2012 @ 02:56:34

    lol true…great attitude


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