My Torture

Okay, so summer is creeping around the corner and for us ladies that means one thing……swimsuits!  Yes the dreaded S word in which directs our attention to the areas that we have successfully hid during the winter months or just flat out told everyone that the extra weight is just a winter coat!  As I eye the closet with all the hopefuls….yes pieces of clothing that I hope to fit in during the summer, I know that hopefully will soon turn into hopefully not if I don’t get myself in check now.

fatladyin chair

Now don’t get me wrong I have jumped on the treadmill several times, done the zumba thing and my husband even signed me up for boot camp (without me knowing it which ended with him out on the couch!)  But still those few extra pounds have made a home in which case must be evicted prior to the summer coming.  So my husband ( who is the cook, and I can’t cook to save my life) has made the decision that we (him and I….I don’t remember voting on this…) are going to do a cabbage diet.   My reaction….”A what!?!”  I made him clarify…..the answer wasn’t good…  Apparently for the next week I can eat ALL the cabbage soup I want….YAY!!  But that is all I eat….NOOO!!!!!

baby

So I last night I had my first taste of what the week will be like…..Its going to be a LONG week!  While flushing my system with water and cabbage, I not only do I feel light…most in the head… my personality is slowing turning to the dark side, especially when I see real food being enjoyed by others.  So for motivation I have pull out my bikini and hung it on the door for encouragement, which is not helping.  While I am being served cabbage all you can eat soup I am suffering in silence.  I am telling myself for its only for a week….and I will be 10lbs lighter to jump start into the summer.  So while I eat this bowl of torture, I can’t help but spy a log of sausage sitting on the counter, while talking to Kitt I am having delusions of grandeur of how that sausage would taste…….but alas my competitive side is keeping me from splurging in hiding.   So here’s to losing the weight insanity style!!!

fatman

Here is my goal!

nicebody

In the Eye’s of A Nurse

After a long two back to back twelve hour shifts at the hospital I often find myself looking forward to the long walk of locating my car that is purposefully parked in the furthest parking lot.  This is a time of reflection for me as I enjoy the breaking of the sun over the horizon, the cool air on my face and the sound of my shoes softly hitting the pavement.  It is a time of reflection and peace that is not interrupted with the constant sound of my spectra link (cell phone) that I am forced to carry during work.  Here I am alone with my thoughts asking my self the same question.  “What do I want.”  I simple question that is often met with a layered answer.   Of course there is lots I want but would I truly be happy?  For me as I walk to my car, unlike most people who are in a hurry to get home, I take noticed of the small things.  For example, I noticed colors, shapes, textures and hidden designs.  It is where I find simple beauty.  It becomes my appreciation for being healthy and a live.

Circle of Vines

As I inhale deeply the cold and crisp air morning air, I realize that this my awakening.  My artist is wrestling to put my nurse persona away so my creative side can come out and soak up details that I may use later when sketching.   It is a life line really.  Being a nurse you see a lot of ugliness, sadness, and hostile patients that believe in entitlement to the exclusion of everything else.  The world is ugly. Yet, when I feel the constraints of my job something always happens.  I will cross paths with the one patient that reaches out and touches me.  I will see bravery of those who ask for nothing but are so grateful for a humane touch.  I see beauty in the aging with lines etched in their faces that tell of laughter and happiness.  I see hope, strength, courage flash through my minds eye as I remembered those that have touched me.  So perhaps while I struggle to become an artist, my training is just beginning.  Learning to see human nature at its ugliest and at its most beautiful.  I am in a unique position to portray the human spirit through a nurse’s eyes.  While it is easy for me to see beauty in nature, I am learning to see beauty in humanity.  Perhaps this is my walk in life….

elderly

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