To or NOT to Spandex

Okay, summer is just about here and spandex is the thing to wear lately.  Problem, not everyone has the license to wear it.   For me, to wear them two things have to happen.  First, I need to be drunk.  Second, I need to be drunk some more.  Reason, while recently I have lost over 20lbs, the mental image of my thighs and butt eating the spandex and pretty much leaving little to the imagination of untamed rolls prevents me from donning those conspicuous pants.  The reason I am discussing this, is while picking up my kid from school, parents mingle outside discussing interests or showing off their latest toys, I didn’t have to wait long for entertainment to turn heads.  Up came two women that seriously were over 300lbs dressed in spandex pants and a little shirt that struggled to cover the rolls of fat that spilled underneath.  While I credit them from their bravery, their fashion choice was seriously lacking.  As they walked by, I noticed that spandex was stretched so thin, that I could see their skin through the material.  If the leggings could talk, I am sure I could hear, “were givin all we got, she gonna blow.”  As they turned their back to me, I realized these women weren’t wearing any underwear, or their underwear was swallowed in the abyss. 


Now usually I could careless what people wear.  I just could not take my eyes of the train wreck that was in front of me.  So while I am fighting my own insecurities about those damn spandex pants, I have to say bravo to the ladies that worn them with the best of them. 

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kitt Crescendo
    May 10, 2013 @ 22:27:54

    “Thar She Blows!”, huh? I guess the lesson there is that if you’re going to wear spandex, first find it in the proper size?


  2. caseykaye
    May 13, 2013 @ 22:55:30

    Ok, this was hilarious! I am a lady with….more to love, Shall we say? And I. Would. Never. Wear. Stretchy. ANYTHING. Intentionally… ever. I personally don’t think that spandex look good on anyone, but that’s just me. Spandex is scary. If you’re too thin I find myself staring at the protruding bones, or if you are like me, there is no amount of spandex that can hold all that extra lovin’ in. In my opinion, spandex is best left at the store.


  3. Trackback: To or NOT to Spandex | The Closet Artist

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