To Wing or Not To Wing…

So, once again I am doing a crazy schedule with the night shift and have one day off in the middle of the crazy run, which happens to be enough time to get a paper done for my class.  While feeling the pressure of the impending deadline, my thoughtful husband tells me that he is taking the kids out to run some chores in which case I would have a nice quiet house to contemplate my  assignment.  He asks if I need anything, and on a whim I ask if he could please pick up some feminine products and if he doesn’t want to I will do it later.  After a conversation of him stating he was comfortable in his manhood of picking up the items (I am not sure who he was trying to convince), I was soon left alone with my thoughts. 

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Some time had passed in which I had wondered where my family went to, and then I heard the garage door beginning to open.  As I was finishing up the paper, my husband walks in with a look that I have rarely seen, it was a look of disgust and exasperation rolled into one.  I didn’t have to wait long to find out what happened.  As he tossed my much needed items at me while saying never again, he began the tale of Wal-Mart.  “First, let me tell you that they screwed up the aisles of the damn pads so I couldn’t do my  maneuver of roll and sweep by.”  It is a move that he uses when he doesn’t want to linger long and sweeps the items into the cart, a move that was solely devised for instances such as this.  I waited patiently as he inhales as if the mortal sin as been committed in which case I was the transgressor.  “So that meant I had to stop in front of the blasted aisle that was shortened and I couldn’t find what you usually use.”  he said.  I thought to myself, wow you were really looking?  “THEN…” As he closes his eyes as if to shake off the memory that apparently was not one of cherishment. 

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“I was flanked by two fat woman, in which case my escape route had been compromised.”  “Your escape route?” I asked.  I didn’t know that the feminine aisle required such battle tactic, but then again I am secure in my womanhood.  “These women, decided to tell me about which pads I am suppose to get for you!  They started to say unholy things as leakage, moisture, itchiness, dryness…things that a man should NEVER know!”  At this point I am doing my best to keep a straight face as I can see the whole thing play out in my minds eye.  “So what did you do?”  I asked, not really trusting my self to say much more incase I busted out laughing in such a serious moment.  “What could I do?  I couldn’t move!  They started taking the pads I had in my hands away and replacing with what THEY use!”   As he pause to take a breath, “Then our six year old daughter started to ask ME what causes itchiness and what is leaking that mom needs a bandage!”  Okay at this point I am shaking with laughter and couldn’t hold it in.  “So, Let me get this straight, you were barricade by two fat women that wanted to save you from buying the wrong product, all the while giving you an education on what we really want, thus causing our daughter to take an active role in listening to her father getting schooled in the tampon/pad aisle.” My husband gave me one of looks that he want to say so much but was showing some restraint as our little girls were near by.  Seeing an advantage here, I pressed the issue for my entertainment, “And did these ladies, give you wings?”  Yup that did it…He started to say something, but the words tripped out!  I am now laughing and feeing some sense of guilt I try to help him recover some manhood left.  “The worst part was that there was a guy in the other aisle watching all of this laughing!” He said.  “I was mortified, I was trapped.”  He then holds out his prize.  “If these aren’t the ones you want, I am sorry.  I am not going back there!”  I laughed and said, “Thank you, and not many men would take a beating like that.”  With that I gave him a hug and kiss.  As he started to walk away, I looked at the products and stated, “Hey, they don’t have wings!”  I was greeted with a killer look and a stuffed animal that flew out of no where and hit me in the head. 

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14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. caseykaye
    May 29, 2013 @ 15:46:46

    Poor guy, he’s been traumatized! At least he’s been educated in the fine art of women’s products!

    Reply

  2. Kitt Crescendo
    May 29, 2013 @ 16:18:51

    Wow! Tell the hub to pull up his big boy pants. With his blunt nature, I’m surprised he didn’t just ask the ever so helpful BBW to please get out of his way! Hearing that your Dear Daughter was asking such questions in such a place had me laughing and remembering how the “pad” talk with your brother happened for your mom. That is by far one of my most favorite memories. 😉

    Reply

    • amadiex
      May 29, 2013 @ 17:49:44

      I think he was overwhelmed in trying to figure out what to say to her which resulted in “Ask Mom!” and getting out of there! I forgot about the “pad” talk with my brother! LOL!!!!!

      Reply

      • Kitt Crescendo
        May 29, 2013 @ 17:55:10

        Ah, so he took the out that we did. LOL! I’m sure by now your brother realizes that what he saw was NOT “The biggest bandaid he’s ever seen”.

  3. Mae Clair
    May 29, 2013 @ 23:52:53

    Omg, that was hysterical! Thank you ( and your poor husband) for a thoroughly entertaining post. That man must really love you to have undergone that kind of mortification, LOL.

    Reply

    • amadiex
      May 30, 2013 @ 00:11:54

      HAHHA! Your welcome Mae! Yeah I still get the look when I ask him to pick me up something that is unrelated, I think I am going to get that look for a long time coming!

      Reply

  4. Dace
    Jul 31, 2013 @ 01:29:49

    that is a priceless story. However, who would have thought that men are such sensitive creatures? you should send him more often and ask to pick up tampons instead

    Reply

  5. Mom2two
    Jan 03, 2014 @ 17:53:18

    Susie sent me. I’m dying with laughter picturing this situation! Thank you for sharing a great story!!

    Reply

  6. susielindau
    Jan 06, 2014 @ 14:34:36

    Hahaha! My husband has gotten products for me. I will have to pass this along. I wonder if he does the “sweep.”
    Fun story! Thanks for bringing it to the party! Have fun clicking on links and mingling with the guests!

    Reply

    • amadiex
      Jan 06, 2014 @ 21:48:02

      Thanks for checking out my little story!! I bet it would be funny to see what type of techniques guys use to blow by that area!!!! Thanks again for letting me share!!!

      Reply

  7. kindredspirit23
    Jan 09, 2014 @ 20:12:29

    I guess a lot does change in 20 some years. In my 20’s, I bought those items for my wife and, while I didn’t show my concern about it, it was there on my mind. Now, I would go buy them for a friend if she asked because the stroke has helped me to not give a s***!
    Scott

    Reply

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