Earth Fairy

So I ventured into something that I always wanted to play around with. Watercolors. I have always been intimidated by them, yet at the same time I have become bored with just the simple pencil. While I am self-taught, I understand that in order to become good at something you have to just do it. Of course with this being my first piece with watercolors I have learned a lot going through this process. So while facing my fears on the canvas I am gaining insight on how this works. I do know this, while creating I find true happiness and peace. It takes me to a place where there is possibilities without judgment.

EarthFairy

In the Eye’s of A Nurse

After a long two back to back twelve hour shifts at the hospital I often find myself looking forward to the long walk of locating my car that is purposefully parked in the furthest parking lot.  This is a time of reflection for me as I enjoy the breaking of the sun over the horizon, the cool air on my face and the sound of my shoes softly hitting the pavement.  It is a time of reflection and peace that is not interrupted with the constant sound of my spectra link (cell phone) that I am forced to carry during work.  Here I am alone with my thoughts asking my self the same question.  “What do I want.”  I simple question that is often met with a layered answer.   Of course there is lots I want but would I truly be happy?  For me as I walk to my car, unlike most people who are in a hurry to get home, I take noticed of the small things.  For example, I noticed colors, shapes, textures and hidden designs.  It is where I find simple beauty.  It becomes my appreciation for being healthy and a live.

Circle of Vines

As I inhale deeply the cold and crisp air morning air, I realize that this my awakening.  My artist is wrestling to put my nurse persona away so my creative side can come out and soak up details that I may use later when sketching.   It is a life line really.  Being a nurse you see a lot of ugliness, sadness, and hostile patients that believe in entitlement to the exclusion of everything else.  The world is ugly. Yet, when I feel the constraints of my job something always happens.  I will cross paths with the one patient that reaches out and touches me.  I will see bravery of those who ask for nothing but are so grateful for a humane touch.  I see beauty in the aging with lines etched in their faces that tell of laughter and happiness.  I see hope, strength, courage flash through my minds eye as I remembered those that have touched me.  So perhaps while I struggle to become an artist, my training is just beginning.  Learning to see human nature at its ugliest and at its most beautiful.  I am in a unique position to portray the human spirit through a nurse’s eyes.  While it is easy for me to see beauty in nature, I am learning to see beauty in humanity.  Perhaps this is my walk in life….

elderly

A Little Magic

Have you ever been lost in something such as writing, painting, or other hobbies that you forget about time itself.  In my moments late at night, I was simply enjoying the music pumping through my iPod while engaging the blank piece of paper.  I was free of real life worries or pending issues, it was just  my pencils and I.  The exploration of what can happen always excites me when layout the ground work for an imagine.  Finding a reference for poses is always quite the challenge due to the short list of people who would pose for me so I am left from studying forms from pictures.  It is how I study art.  I appreciate the dances of lines, the subtle touch of shading to bring out the form.  To me its like magic.  Learning to see angles from the positive and negative spaces takes time but allows me to see the simplicity of shapes that come together to form a more complex image.   To me its the dance of lines.  To be the one composing such a dance brings a satisfaction and self worth that I cannot describe.  Its like seeing something about yourself that is pure in away, that sparks something inside your soul that brings about a happiness and peace that can only be found when you accept something that is true about yourself.   When I draw its like a spiritual encounter, the inner voice quiets down and you begin to see in a perspective without judgement.  It is a world that most are uninvited until the finished product is revealed.  But what most don’t know is that it is a true labor of love, the experience of creating is where the magic happens.  The self voyage of discovery.   I stayed up until 2 am working on this one.  It is not finished by any means but I feel the need to post.  After all this little space (blog) is my digital sketch book.  

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Know Thy Self

With the holidays coming to a close, it usually brings a time of self-assessment.  Most people have the usual New Year’s resolutions that typically don’t make it to the end of January.  I am one of those people that pick the traditional pseudo resolutions but I know my heart is not in it.  Yeah I will give it a good try, but that is just it….it’s just a try not a change.  While everyone has their own way, I am finding that for me I want to make a fundamental change. 

In my quest to be more than just a somebody, I want to be the best me I can be.  That starts with knowing yourself.  Life is a journey in which defines who you are, it tells the story of where you have been and predicts where you will end up.  Unfortunately there are some twists and turns that happen but during that time you learn something that you didn’t know about yourself prior to that event.  For me I know that I don’t want to be that person that is constantly going with the crowd.  I want to stop and make my own way which then will define who I know I am in my heart.  This fundamental change will most likely be painful to experience, and such change usually is.  If it where pleasant then it wouldn’t be called a change now would it.  There would be nothing to gain.  So my change I want to go with is learning who I am.  To go against the grain, to challenge myself and brace the impossibilities that I have limited my thinking to be. 

It’s funny, that what I got for Christmas was a beautiful art set with a portable easel that was from my parents and husband.  Do you know that I have a nice easel that sits in the garage that has never been used because I was afraid to try?  Now that I have been pulled back to my sketches, knowing in my heart that this is what brings me joy, I need to make that fundamental change of not being afraid.  With my skills being basic at best, I know that I have potential that is clawing to get out showing me what I really can do with enough guidance and practice.  Self-limiting ideas and people have influenced my decisions in life.  I mean who knows you better than your family or friends.  Not true, and I know this, I have always known this.   You know that sinking feeling when you have made the wrong decisions or that you know you’re going in the wrong direction.  I get that a lot.  I have learned to ignore that inner voice of reason and I have paid the price.   It’s funny to me that when I look around me, sub consciously I have filled my bookshelves with instructional drawing books, famous artists that I admire, and an art desk with tons of mediums to work with empty journals.  I had this for many years.  You would think by looking at my rooms that this is what I do for a living.  I guess it’s time to pay attention and embrace what I have known all along.  Getting back to know the pages of possibilities and to explore a work without limitations.  That is my challenge this year.  Know thy self.

In The Process…

So I am having the itch to post one of my works that I am still in the process of finishing.  I had to put it off due to school obligations and now that I am free for the next few months my focus has shifted back to what I love to do the most.  In this piece I am creating a fairy more on the seductive side in waiting.  My goal is to have her being partial hidden with in her environment but leaving the possibility to being discovered.  I am hoping to play with some water colors to bring a new depth to her.  So far I am liking where I am taking her. 

LadyF

Adoration

Adoration

My attempt to do a mermaid basking in the sunlight.

Image

Fallen

Fallen

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